photo © Lon Casler Bixby

EMBRACE DEATH

X-Mas letter from the Deaditor-in-Chief
Robert Steven Rhine ©2005

Have you been naughty or nice this year? I hope you've been naughty. Reaaal naughty. Well, I've been watching you and I see you've been living it up. Do you know what that means? That's right, you're going to hell in a hand-basket. At least, that's what religion preaches. But do they also tell you that the "'devil"' is "'lived"' spelled backwards? So, are all the people who grab life by the horns in hell? Sounds like Hell's the place to be. Don't you know, that the netherworld rocks? They've even got a Hard Rock Hades down there, on the corner of Sodom and Gomorrah, where strippers in platform heels and gangsters in gold chains party in the afterlife. What? You think they want to go to heaven?! Spending eternity at bingo tournaments, bridge games and quilting bees? Now, that sounds like Hell! Nevertheless, organized religion keeps reminding us that we'll be rewarded in heaven -- IF we've been 'good.' Uh-huh. Should we believe their brochure? Has religion always been truthful with us? Hmmm. Quite the contrary -- they're stealing my spotlight. After all, I have my tarnished image to keep. But don't even think of trying to get a reservation at Club Med Purgatory -- they're booked through infinity. Yet, there's always a vacancy in Heaven, on the first floor with a view of the Kmart parking lot. So, why do you still want to go to Heaven? And with a bunch of Bible-belt, tea-totaling, goody-two-shoes? Aren't those are the folks who actually should go to hell -- the ones who didn't "'live it up,"' who didn't take chances and risks. Wouldn't that be a Hell of a practical joke? But the "'All-Mighty"' rarely pulls a good practical joke -- like telling you to "'pull his finger"' and launching nuclear Armageddon. On the other hand, your savior-du-jour-who-art-in-heaven let's all those "'good"' folks die in "'holy"' wars, starvation, plagues, and the big "'C."' He'll even roll out a tsunami on Christmas Eve. So, are we really supposed to believe all this religious crappola not to "'live it up,"' which was written a thousand years ago by celibate monks diddling each other in icy monasteries to keep us in line so we wouldn't screw our neighbors wives? And if we are... why doesn't it work? So, here's my advice. Live it up, while you can, and enjoy the holidays. Remember, I'll be watching. And I'll see you all in the after-life.

Sickcerely.

Robert Steven Rhine

Publisher / Editor-in-Chief / Future Corpse
www.robertrhine.com/