About Us

Back Issues

Store

Links

Home

Contact

©2005
website by Gone West
back
SEX TIPS FROM DR. NECCO FEELYA
"Scoot down."
photo © Lon Casler Bixby
DR. NECCO FEELYA, M.D., DDS, OBGYN
A.K.A Doctor Luv Ya To Death
Answers all your questions about love and sex... and death.

Dear Dr. Necco Feelya,
My wife just kind of lays there, she's only been dead for about a year, and I'm still a horny newly-dead. Can you please help us?

Signed,
Frustrated to Death

Dear Frustrated to Death,
Yes, this is not uncommon with newlydeads. You must find her 'D' spot. It's just North of her 'G' spot. When you find it, let me know, and I'll be right over.

Dear Dr. Necco Feelya,
My corpse boyfriend only wants to do it in the grave. I'm sick of getting dirt in my crotch. How can I break him of this habit?

Signed,
Sex is dirty

Dear Sex is Dirty,
Start, by throwing some of dirt on your bed to comfort him. Each time you have sex throw a little less dirt n the bed. That will break him of his dirty little habit.

Dear Dr. Necco Feelya,
Ever since I was hit by a train and dragged twelve hundred feet, I don't have the same sexual sensation in my penis.

Signed,
Sex is a Drag

Dear Sex is a Drag,
I was crushed by a crane, so I know what your talking about. Sometimes these things take time. Try soaking your penis in a mixture of battery acid and Draino. That should bring the sensation back... in a hurry.

Dear Dr. Necco Feelya,
When I, um, go down on my dead girlfriend, she smells really nasty. Like a tomb filled with dead tuna. I can't get past the rotten stench. Can you help us?

Signed,
Smells like Death

Dear She Smells Like Death,
Get over it! She's dead, remember? But so are you! You think you smell like a bouquet

issue #3
back