GCN Necro News Network

Photographer Mauled by Bigfoot

Washington -- Walter Crotchtight Reporting for GCN

Albert L. Ortega, famed photographer for Girls and Corpses Magazine, was mauled today by what bystanders are calling Big Foot himself. The attack occurred at 5:33 Thursday afternoon as Mr. Ortega was changing lenses. "One minute he was laughing and then next his head was bitten off," said a distraught stripper named Amber, who Ortega was shooting when the attack occurred. "The last photo Mr. Ortega took was of himself being consumed by the beast," sighed Girls and Corpses Deaditor Robert Steven Rhine, who has submitted the photo for a Pulitzer," adding, "We would be willing to accept the prize money on his behalf."

Washington, DC

The Brittney Spears statue was unveiled today in the capital. The sculpture was created by famed artist, Fernando Jaegermeister.

Former President Clinton is scheduled to break a bottle of campagne on the cresting head of the statue tomorrow. The former Presdient was quoted as saying, while wagging his finger, "A can hardly wait. And that's the absolutely truth."

A national contest is being held to name the dramatic Italian Marble eighty food statue -- which will be facing the foot of the Lincoln Memorial.

Spears has suggested naming the statue, "The Birth of Baby Jesus."

MEL GIBSON's TONGUE SERVED AT DELI

Exclusive for GCN news
All rights reserved ©2006

Gibson's police booking photo after a
wild night of drinking and driving in Malibu.

After spewing racist anti-Semitic slurs profanities at Sheriff's officers, who caught him intoxicated while speeding, Mel Gibson has offered something to the Jewish community that they have finally accepted. His tongue.

Gibson's tongue, sources tell GCN news, will be served on rye with slaw at Nate N' Al's.

By press time GCN could not determine whether pickles would be included.

Mel Gibson's tongue, pickled in prejudice.		Mel Gibson will next direct and star in, "Another Round for Moses."

Associated Press

Britney Spears 'Can't Wait' to Get Onstage

07.13.2006, 03:52 PM

Britney Spears, who is pregnant with her second child, says she's not ready to retire from performing.

"I can't wait to do that again," Spears, 24, tells Harper's Bazaar in its August issue, on newsstands July 25. "But I really have to take my time and do it right and be safe. Actually ... not that safe. When you perform, you have to be dangerous."

The pregnant pop princess also says she would "definitely" consider a musical collaboration with her husband, Kevin Federline, 28. His debut hip-hop album, "Playing With Fire," is expected to be released next month.

"I'm so proud of Kevin," Spears says. "He's been working so hard on his own album since I got pregnant with Preston," the couple's first child, who was born last September.

"Preston's just like a rocker kid," she says of her 10-month-old son. "He is a beautiful baby. We're very close, and attached."

Spears, who darkened her hair and posed naked for the camera of lensman Alexi Lubomirski for the Bazaar photos, says her first pregnancy made her feel "paranoid" because she was new at everything.

"This one, I was like, I just gotta wing it. It was weird for me at first because of who I am; wherever you go they expect you to look a certain way. I'm not supposed to be this huge pregnant superstar."

Spears plans to get back into fighting shape after Baby No. 2 - due this fall - is born.

"After this baby, I'm going to get really intense with it."

Fans react to Britney Spears' return to performing

STERN TORN TO BITS
SOLD ON EBAY

By R.S. Rhine (GCN Reporter)
From Associated Mess
June 13, 2006 5:23 PM EDT

MANHATTAN, NEW YORK - Howard Stern's rabid fans ripped his corpse to bits Thursday for a souvenir of the King of All Media, after his untimely death at the age of 99.

Stern was found brain dead Thursday in the company of dwarf Larry LaRue, a transgendered little person, who it was rumored Stern was having a long term affair. LaRue, an often guest on the Stern show, could eat his own feces and regurgitate on cue when listening to The Hansons.

Stern was found having choked on his own vomit. An autopsy had been planned to see if any of the, "dwarf's feces were in Stern's stomach contents," said NY County Coroner Fujmoto Homicido "But after he was torn to shreds, the autopsy has been shelved."

When Stern's body was being wheeled to the Corner's van in Manhattan early Thursday, a "crazed mob" apparently led by the president on the FCC, Gordon Finkleman, attacked the gurney and began tearing Stern's corpse limb from limb. Police had to be called in to quell the riot.

A distraught, and oddly giddy Gary Dell'Abate (aka Bababooey), commented, "I didn't even get a piece...not a piece." Meanwhile, Jackie 'the Jokeman' Martling, now using a walker, entertained the rioters with material from his 1982 album.

Stern's long-term sidekick Artie Lang, now seven hundred pounds, was seen snacking on Stern's anklebone, and was pulled away by appalled paramedics, as he screamed, "Just one more bite!!!"

Pieces of Stern's body were immediately going on Ebay, fetching as much as 500.00 a finger. His testicles and penis, however, are being bronzed and will be housed at the Smithsonian in Washington D.C. Said Smithsonian Curator Frances Furburger, "I though they would be bigger. But he wasn't lying. He really was tiny."

No plans for a funeral had been made at press time. Donations can be made to the Make a Porn Star Foundation in Youngstown Ohio.

Mind Boggling!

Ever wonder what you'd look like after being buried in a peat bog for 2,000 years. Well... now you can!

Just picture shoe leather, beef jerky and a fruit roll-up. That's what one of those "boggers" looks like.

Seems that the soggy bogs of Northwestern Europe, a few thousand years ago, were used much like the East River (of modern times) for dumping those who, "refused an offer."

Where can you see this see catching exhibition? Just spend a full-filled afternoon with the family gawking at rotting corpses at:

The Mysterious Bog People Exhibit
The Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County
900 Exposition Blvd.
Los Angeles CA

Ends September 10th

For more info: www.nhm.org/bogpeople/

We'll be there doing casting!

R.S. Rhine reporting for GCN

A Diamond Really is FOREVER!

Thought your partner was a gem when they were alive. Now they can be dead! Yes, make your loved ones into costume jewelry. Just imagine, while you're rotting six feet under, your wife will be living the good life, your ashes carbonized on her finger, while she's banging your best friend.

Now, the company called LifeGem® will even turn your pets into costume jewelry. Imagine the possibilities! You could make your neighbors, your boss or even your enemies into decorative jewelry, or worse.

What is a LifeGem®?

The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.

The LifeGem diamond provides a way to embrace your loved one's memory day by day. The LifeGem® is the most unique and timeless memorial available for creating a testimony to their unique life.

Your LifeGem memorial will offer comfort and support when and where you need it, and provide a lasting memory that endures just as a diamond does. Forever.

Yes, like the memory of a loved one, a diamond lasts forever. Nothing says you loved them more than knowing their bones have been crushed under a thousand pounds of pressure into a tiny rock on your hand.

We corpses at G&C magazine have some other ideas of what to do with the remains of your loved one:

Chewing gum	A hat
French toast	Golf ball	Cat litter

Underwear	Butt plug	A dildo	A lawn chair

That Face you're putting on... belonges to someone else.

'Corpses used for cosmetics'

13/09/2005 11:09 - (SA)

London - A British newspaper on Tuesday said that a Chinese cosmetics company was using skin harvested from the corpses of executed convicts to develop beauty products for sale in Europe.

Agents for the firm, which could not be named for legal reasons, have told would-be customers that skin taken from prisoners after they have been shot is being used to develop collagen for lip and wrinkle treatments, the Guardian newspaper said following an undercover investigation.

"The agents say some of the company's products have been exported to the UK, and that the use of skin from condemned convicts is 'traditional' and nothing to 'make such a big fuss about'," the daily alleged.

It said doctors and politicians were worried about the dangers associated with people wanting to look better in such ways, because European regulations to control cosmetic treatments such as collagen are not expected for several years.

"Apart from the ethical concerns, there is also the potential risk of infection," the newspaper said.

Collagen is the fibrous protein constituent of skin, cartilage, bone, and other connective tissue.

The Guardian said it was unclear whether the anonymous company's treatments were already available in Britain or over the internet.

It was also unable to say whether collagen made from prisoners' skin was in the research stage or was in production.

"However, the Guardian has learned that the company has exported collagen products to the UK in the past. An agent told customers it had also exported to the US and European countries, and that it was trying to develop fillers using tissue from aborted foetuses."

The newspaper said that when formally approached the agent denied the company was using skin harvested from executed prisoners.

At the same time, it said the same person had already admitted this to an undercover researcher.

It quoted that agent as saying: "A lot of the research is still carried out in the traditional manner using skin from the executed prisoner and aborted foetus." This material, he said, was being bought from "bio tech" companies based in the northern province of Heilongjiang, and was being developed elsewhere in China.

Library Books Bound with Human Skin

By M.L. Johnson

Associated Press

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP)--Brown University's library boasts an anatomy book that combines form and function in macabre fashion. Its cover--tanned and polished to a smooth golden brown, like fine leather--is made of human skin.

In fact, a number of the nation's finest libraries, including Harvard's, have such books in their collections. The practice of binding books in human skin was not uncommon in centuries past, even if it was not always discussed in polite society.

At the time, the best libraries belonged to private collectors. Some were doctors who had access to skin from amputated parts and patients whose bodies had gone unclaimed. In other cases, wealthy bibliophiles acquired skin from executed criminals, medical school cadavers and people who died in the poor house.

Nowadays, libraries typically keep such volumes in their rare book collections and do not allow them to circulate. But scholars can examine them.

Brown's John Hay Library has three books bound in human skin--the 1568 anatomy text by the Belgian surgeon Andreas Vesalius, and two 19th-century editions of "The Dance of Death," a medieval morality tale.

One copy of "The Dance of Death" was rebound in 1893 by Joseph Zaehnsdorf, a master binder in London. A note to his client reports that he did not have enough skin and had to split it. The front cover, bound in the outer layer of skin, has a slightly bumpy texture, like soft sandpaper. The spine and back cover, made from the inner layer, feel like suede.

"The Dance of Death" is about how death prevails over all, rich or poor. As with many other skin-bound volumes, "there was some tie-in with the content of the book," said Sam Streit, director of the John Hay Library.

Similarly, many of the volumes are medical books. The College of Physicians of Philadelphia has some books bound by Dr. John Stockton Hough, who diagnosed the city's first case of trichinosis. He used that patient's skin to bind three of the volumes.

"The hypothesis that I was suggesting is that these physicians did this to honor the people who furthered medical research," said Laura Hartman, a rare-book cataloger at the National Library of Medicine in Maryland and author of a paper on the subject.

In most cases, universities and other libraries acquired the books as donations or as part of collections they purchased.

It is not clear whether some of the patients knew what would happen to their bodies. In most cases, the skin appears to have come from poor people who had no one to claim their remains. In any case, the practice took place well before the modern age of consent forms and organ donor cards.

While human leather may be repulsive to contemporary society, libraries can ethically have the books in their collections if they are used respectfully for academic research and not displayed as objects of curiosity, said Paul Wolpe of the Center for Bioethics at the University of Pennsylvania.

"There is a certain distancing that history gives us from certain kinds of artifacts," Wolpe said, noting that museums often have bones from archaeological sites. "If you had called me and said these are books from Nazi Germany, I would have a very different response."

The Boston Athenaeum, a private library, has an 1837 copy of George Walton's memoirs bound in his own skin. Walton was a highwayman--a robber who specialized in ambushing travelers--and left the volume to one of his victims.

The Cleveland Public Library has a Quran that may have been bound in the skin of its previous owner, an Arab tribal leader.

Decades ago, the Harvard Law School Library bought a 1605 manual for Spanish lawyers for $42.50 from an antiquarian books dealer in New Orleans. It sat on a shelf unnoticed until the early 1990s, when curator David Ferris was going through the library catalog and found a note saying it was bound in a man's skin.

DNA tests as to whether it is human skin were inconclusive--the genetic material having been destroyed by the tanning process--but the library had a box made to store the book and now keeps it on a special shelf.

"We felt we couldn't set it just next to someone else's law books," Ferris said.

Schwarzenegger Bans Sex with Corpses

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Having sex with corpses is now officially illegal in California after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill barring necrophilia, a spokeswoman said on Friday.

The new legislation marks the culmination of a two-year drive to outlaw necrophilia in the state and will help prosecutors who have been stymied by the lack of an official ban on the practice, according to experts.

"Nobody knows the full extent of the problem. ... But a handful of instances over the past decade is frequent enough to have a bill concerning it," said Tyler Ochoa, a professor at Santa Clara University School of Law who has studied California cases involving allegations of necrophilia.

"Prosecutors didn't have anything to charge these people with other than breaking and entering. But if they worked in a mortuary in the first place, prosecutors couldn't even charge them with that," Ochoa said.

The state's first attempt to outlaw necrophilia, in response to a case of a man charged with having sex with the corpse of a 4-year-old girl in Southern California, stalled last year in a legislative committee.

Lawmakers revived the bill this year after an unsuccessful prosecution of a man found in a San Francisco funeral home drunk and passed out on top of an elderly woman's corpse.

The new law makes sex with a corpse a felony punishable by up to eight years in prison.

(paraphrased from Reuters).